Waking Dream
by lethallans
Summary: Shepard and Kaidan come to the conclusion that Horizon is a bitch. ME2 Shenko.


_Horizon_, Shepard decided as she shoved an omni-blade up a husk's ribcage,_ was a bitch_. Her armour (and, to Shepard's horror, her _face –_ the stuff stunk terribly) was splattered with layers of husk gore, which she didn't bother wiping off. A quick tap of the blade had it sheathing itself, and Shepard reached to her back to pull out her particle rifle. She preferred to save her baby to use on Harbinger whenever he had the good graces of showing up, but her assault rifle was out of clips and her sniper rifle was less than useless when dealing with charging husks at such a close range. She was an excellent shot – self-proclaimedly the best on the Normandy, despite Garrus's protests – but she wasn't _that_ good.

Realizing that she was out of cover, she rolled to the side, ignoring the bullet that grazed her ribcage, and ducked behind the nearest packing crate. She allowed herself a second of rest for her shields to recharge, then leaned out, aimed, and sent a blast of particle beams at a praetorian's head. It let out a screech, and sent a parade of powerful biotic shockwaves rumbling towards her.

Yeah, Horizon was a bitch.

Shepard stumbled back a few paces, and then dove to the side just as the shockwaves rolled through the ground beneath her feet. The blast from the biotic attack sent her flying over a crate, then crash landing feet-first into the yellowed, dying grass. She shook off the shock of the impact, checked her particle beam, and picked herself up. The pain that erupted in her ankle almost had her collapsing all over again, but Shepard forced herself to just grit her teeth and ignore it the best she could. _Twisted,_ she guessed as she ducked out from behind a crate to assess the battlefield. _From the impact_. Not every battlefield can be padded with safety mats like the training room on the Normandy.

"You alright, Shepard?" Garrus's slightly breathless voice buzzed over the comm. "Took a nasty hit there."

"Peachy, Vakarian. We can tend to my wounds once these husks are dead," Shepard growled back, not in the mood for chit-chat. A collective howl from her seven had Shepard forgetting about banter. She turned around to face a herd of husks shambling towards her at an alarming speed. A tap on her omni-tool had the husks at point incinerating in an explosion of fiery tech. Before she could pick off the stragglers, they started dropping to the ground, dead. The last living (if you could even call it that) husk had the pleasure of being impaled on a disembodied omni-blade. As the gore-coated body dropped to the ground, the air behind it shimmered away to reveal Kasumi wiping blood off of her armour-encased stomach.

"I've got your back, Shep." She saluted the Commander and fizzled away, invisible once more.

"Just flashbang the Praetorian, Goto," Shepard ordered gruffly as she ducked behind the next closest stack of crates that would offer both better cover and a better view of the mentioned enemy. "Garrus, once its barrier is down, start using your armour-piercing ammo. Kasumi, you keep the husks back from the GARDIAN towers. I need some crowd control."

"Yes, Shepard."

"Got it," Kasumi echoed. Then, a moment later: "Flashbang away!"

Shepard look away from the Praetorian to shield her eyes, and when the telltale burst of light from the grenade faded, she was greeted by the sight of a few new, definitely unfamiliar soldiers running to join the battle, guns blazing and bloodstained armour glinting in the afternoon sun.

Well, they were all unfamiliar except for one certain LT.

One certain LT whose eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed; whom she could trust to always have her back in a battle; whose body she knew just as well as her own; who didn't just treat her like Commander Fucking Shepard, but a _person_; whose life she'd disappeared from for two years. One certain LT whom she'd fallen for and after, had never quite picked herself back up.

Here was Kaidan Kaidan, the man she'd loved, meters away, shooting up husks with renewed energy and power.

And all Shepard could say was, "No fucking way," under her breath and blast a beam of particles at a stray husk's head.

"Seems like we're getting some Alliance backup - finally," Kasumi said, acknowledging Kaidan and the two soldiers with him.

"I, uh, can see that. Just try not to hit them," Shepard choked out after an embarrassing beat of shocked sputtering. Commanders don't sputter, by rule.

"That's great and all, but I think the Collectors noticed." Garrus noted with a hint of fear in his voice. "Reaper reinforcements on the way."

No. _Fucking_. Way.

"Got a count for me?"

"Seems like 15 or so Collectors, coming in north of the GARDIAN tower. Harbinger might be controlling one."

"Alright, Vakarian, get your ass down here and to the tower. Never mind the newcomers. Keeping GARDIAN secure is our priority," Shepard ordered as she vaulted over an overturned crate and ran over to meet Kasumi by the tower. Her ankle felt like it had been riddled with incendiary ammo, but she ignored it. Like she'd told her squad, securing the tower is the priority. "EDI, status report."

The AI responded, "The tower is 60% online, Shepard."

Shepard swore. Nothing could ever be easy, could it?

When a stray Collector bullet whizzed past her head and made Shepard start yelling for everyone to get to cover – now! – she decided that no, it couldn't.

Horizon. _Bitch._

* * *

This had to be another nightmare; it was the only explanation. At least, it was the only explanation Kaidan could come up with as to how he was standing waist-deep in husk corpses, shooting at Collectors with the woman of his dreams – the two-years _dead_ woman of his dreams – gunning them down just meters away.

Of course, Kaidan was no stranger to nightmares like this. Shepard had come to him in many a dream – sometimes yelling at him, blaming him for her death over Alchera until her face turned blue and she suffocated from lack of oxygen, and sometimes ghosting her hands over his cheek, down his chest, whispering empty '_I love you_'s in his ear. Both were equally painful, to say the least.

Then again, so was the bullet that had recently come in contact with his leg. Yeah, that was painful, too.

Which almost had Kaidan hesitate before summoning a Singularity behind the Collector who had shot the aforementioned bullet into (and, from the way it was throbbing, right through) his thigh.

Dreams had never hurt like _that_ before. 'That' meaning actual, physical, get-your-ass-to-the-med-bay-Commander-you're-bleed ing type of hurt.

Kaidan ducked behind an overturned crate and then peeked out to riddle the Collector caught in the Singularity with bullets. With a flick of his finger, the tear in space-time disappeared and the Collector's body slumped to the ground.

"Push forward," he barked to the marines flanking him. "Get to the tower and watch our perimeter, goddammit! Husks on all sides!"

The trio slowly but surely moved through the wave of Collectors, running in between cover until they neared the GARDIAN tower. He could see two figures slicing through husks - one woman in a hood and light armour and another turian – but Shepard was nowhere in sight.

Stupidly, Kaidan diverted his attention towards searching for her. Had he just imagined her? _Was_ this really a dream?

He really needed to stop drinking before bed.

The sudden, incredibly painful stab through his shoulder had him confirming that no, this wasn't a dream. He pressed a hand up to cup the shoulder, and we he brought it back down, it was covered in blood. Too much blood. Next thing he knew, there was a numb feeling spreading through his shoulder. Then, a fire began to eat through it. At least, that's what it felt like.

"Shit," he muttered.

Suddenly, he heard a screech behind him, and spun around to come face to face with a husk. Before he could recover and hit the creature with a shockwave, the thing shoved him down to the ground – earning a complaint from his shoulder.

But before the husk could leap onto him, it was shoved away from by an invisible force. The creature struggled in midair, hissing and grappling at nothing. Then, a disembodied omni-blade cut through the air and shoved itself up the husk's ribcage. Guts splattered everywhere. Kaidan watched in shock and horror.

Then, the space around the omni-blade (and the husk impaled on it) shimmered away to reveal _fucking Commander Shepard _wiping the gore from her face with the back of her arm. The omni-blade dissipated and the husk fell to the ground.

Kaidan gaped at her. Maybe it was the blood loss that made him stare like an idiot, maybe it was the fact that _oh my god_ how can a woman look so beautiful when her hair's all messy and her body is covered in husk guts and is that new N7 armour? and _oh right_ that woman was the one who had died two years ago but somehow still happened to be standing in front of him, saving his life – again.

He decided to blame the blood loss – it made his head spin less to think about it.

The aforementioned beautiful, new-armour-donning, undead woman looked down at him. Her eyes lingered on his face momentarily, but quickly dropped down to his shoulder, which was still bleeding.

"Shit, Kaidan," she grunted and kneeled by his side. Into her comm, she barked, "Garrus, I've got wounded over here. Lay down some cover fire for me. EDI, status report?"

Kaidan blinked slowly, trying to shake away the muddled thoughts. He didn't know an EDI, but…Garrus? Garrus _Vakarian_? What was he doing here?

Shepard was silent, listening into the comm for a response as she tore a pack of field-grade medi-gel from a pack in her armour.

Kaidan tried to a raise a hand to protest that he didn't need help and that Shepard should finish defending the tower, but it just made his shoulder hurt even more. Spots danced in his eyes.

"Don't move, LT," Shepard ordered. She ripped open the medi-gel pack and squeezed some of it onto her gloved hand.

Kaidan almost smiled at the old nickname. He was a Commander now, of course, but he didn't mind LT. He sort of missed it. It reminded him of the good old days, back when Williams was alive, and the crew was all together, and he could tell Shepard 'I love you' and she'd say 'I love you, too, doofus' with that quirked grin of hers.

He should tell Shepard he loved her, Kaidan decided. But not now, because everything was spinning and there were three Shepards now instead of one.

So he just stared up at her while she ripped off his shoulder plates. She was so beautiful. All three of them, really. He'll tell her that, too. Later.

"What the fuck happened to you, Kaidan?" Shepard growled. Without waiting for an answer, she hastily dabbed some gel on his shoulder, and the pain began to subside, replaced with a torturous itchy feeling.

"I missed you," Kaidan tried to reply. His voice sounded scrambled and rung in his ears.

Shepard didn't hear him. "EDI? Activate those towers. Joker, bring in the Normandy, and have Chakwas ready the med bay. We've got an old friend visiting."

That was the last thing Kaidan heard before he passed out.

* * *

Kaidan woke up in the Normandy's med bay. He felt numb all over.

_So it _was _a dream_, he thought to himself. He must have suffered a serious injury, gone unconscious, and dreamed a terrible nightmare where Shepard died, then came back to life and started working for Cerberus. At least it was over now.

The ceiling was blurry. He blinked twice, and then moved his hand to wipe the sleep from his eyes. As soon as he did, fire blazed in his shoulder. Spots danced in front of his eyes. He groaned.

"Doctor," a voice said urgently. _I know that voice_, Kaidan thought to himself wearily. _That's Shepard._ _Shepard's here!_ "Doctor, he's waking up."

"What? But the medication hasn't taken effect yet. Injecting sedative." Chakwas said evenly. The world became fuzzier almost instantaneously. It was nice, Kaidan decided.

"He's still going to be okay?"

"Yes, Commander."

Good, Kaidan thought to himself. That's good. He wants to be okay. He has to be okay if they're going to stop Saren. Or did they already do that?

Chakwas's and Shepard's voices are still echoing in his head as he drifts back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Kaidan jolted up, immediately blinking the sleep from his eyes. He was still in the med bay, one that vaguely resembled that of the Normandy. It had the same architecture, same med tools, same doctor (if his brief awakening hadn't been merely a dream)…but something felt _off_.

Maybe it was Commander Shepard slumped on a chair beside his med table, fast asleep. Her head was slumped against her sweater-encased chest, and her knees were tucked under her arms. She'd obviously been waiting for a long time.

"Shepard," he said. His voice came out scratchy, as if it hadn't been used in days. From the dull throbbing in his shoulder, it came to him that he could very well _have_ been out for more than one sleep cycle. He cleared his throat, and repeated, "Shepard."

She sprung to life immediately, her eyes flashing with the alertness that only an N7 operative could possess as she dropped her legs back to the floor and straightened her posture. Immediately, her eyes landed on him. Sitting upright, awake, alive. Kaidan Alenko.

"Kaidan," she said. Brisk, professional. Relieved. "You're awake."

"Yeah… what happened? Where are we?"

"You were shot, Commander. Collector bullet right through the shoulder. Hit the artery. You lost a lot of blood," she debriefed him. "We had to bring you aboard the Normandy, or else you would've died."

"That's not good." In Kaidan's defense, he was feeling too light-headed for any eloquence.

"You almost died anyway," Shepard continued. "I don't know if you remember, but you woke up a couple of times. Chakwas had to sedate you. Must've hurt like hell."

"Nothing I haven't felt before," Kaidan reassured her. "But yeah, I remember that. You were there, then, too."

"Yes."

"Have you been waiting for me to wake up? All this time?"

"Yes."

He didn't have anything to say to that, so Shepard continued. "I didn't want you to die." She shrugged. "It sorta sucks."

Kaidan smiled at her lame joke. He'd missed her. "We're both alive now, and that's what matters."

"We are." Shepard blinked. "You've heard the rumours about me, then?"

"Which? The one where you're a zombie like in the horror vids or the one where you're The Illusive Man's sex bot?"

Shepard winced at his bluntness. "I hadn't heard the last one before."

"Well?" Kaidan pursued.

"Well _what_? I'm not a sex bot, Kaidan."

"Funny. I mean, what's_ real_, Shepard?" Kaidan sat up, ignoring the complaints from his injured shoulder. He had to know the truth. "_Are_ you working for Cerberus? _Are_ you planning on taking down the Collectors? _Are_ you recruiting the old squad?"

"Yes. Too, er, all of it. Chakwas, Joker, Tali, and Garrus are here. I made some new friends, too."

"Shepard," he shook his head. No matter how much his heart lifted to learn that he could reunite with his old friends, he couldn't be distracted by that. What was important was learning _why_ Shepard was working for Cerberus. He'd heard rumours that she was just a puppet, a body with a control chip implanted inside that walked and talked sounded like Shepard. He had to know if this was true. For the Alliance. For him to be able to rest at night. "What are you doing? _Cerberus_? They're terrorists."

"They brought me back to life," Shepard frowned. "They're the only ones who are _willing _to do something about the Collectors."

"The Alliance–"

"The Alliance is doing nothing but shuffling paperwork while pretending that the Reapers don't exist and you know it. I've already talked to Anderson and he agrees with that, at least." Kaidan blinked in surprise. She'd already visited Councilor Anderson? And Kaidan hadn't been informed? What did Anderson have up his sleeve? "Kaidan, I'm Alliance at heart, just like you, but I'm not working _for_ anyone now. I just using Cerberus's resources, that's it."

That wasn't good enough for him. The thought of Shepard being nothing but an empty shell controlled by terrorists was sickening. "But we can't know that for sure. For all I know, you-"

Shepard interrupted. "Kaidan, please." He stopped, mostly because of his shock at the amount of emotion that weighed in her voice. Was that…_longing_? "Can we not do this? Not now?" She placed a hand on his arm. Her touch was warm and her hands were soft like a baby's. Which she sort of was, in a way. Her skin must only be months old, not aged or tried enough to regain its old scars and callouses. He realizes that the scar that cut through her lip was gone. _All_ of her scars were gone, probably.

He placed his good hand over hers, and turned it around. His fingers traced over the lines of her palm. She watched him with distant eyes. "Okay, Shepard."

She smiled at him, but it wasn't the Shepard-brand smile he knew. It was smaller, tighter, sadder. The smile of a woman carrying the world on her shoulders. Or in Shepard's case, the galaxy. "I've missed you."

_I'm sorry. I need you. I love you._ "Did you get the GARDIAN towers online?" Shepard's smile became tighter, if only by a fraction. Kaidan immediately cringed inwardly at his amazing ability to fumble his words around the Commander.

"Yes. Cerber – some troops came in later and cleaned everything up. We ran a sweep for survivors."

"Oh. Hm. Good." There was a brief moment of silence between the two.

Kaidan drew a deep breath then finally said. "I missed you, too. Seeing you again like this," he shook his head in slow disbelief. His hand left hers and cupped itself around Shepard's cheek. She didn't flinch when he did; her steel eyes were boring into him, searching his face like she'd never be able to see him again. Which was reasonable. She's already died once, after all. She kept staring at him, and it made him fumble his words. "It's…w-well, it's…."

"It's made me feel better than I have in months," Shepard finished for him. Her voice possessed no extra emotion, no love or longing. In her eyes, she was stating a medical and psychological fact, clear as day. Kaidan loved her.

"When I died - " he flinched at the _d_-word. "- I realized that I never got to say good-bye. To you. To anyone. When I was out there, all alone, without even _air_ for company…I thought of you."

"Shepard…"

"And I knew then, even more certain than before, that I loved you." She took a breath. "I still do. I didn't get to tell the man I love good-bye."

"And you won't have to," Kaidan promised. Shepard smiled, because they both knew that he was lying. Kaidan was an Alliance man, through and through. He couldn't stay on a Cerberus ship longer than necessary. There were probably already a multitude of reports waiting on his desk on the Citadel to be completed and filed.

But she kissed him anyway. Her lips were softer than he remembered, but she still smelled like Shepard: soap that claimed to be unscented but really wasn't, engine grease, and the smallest hint of lavender. Their position was awkward – she was half standing-up and his torso was all twisted across the med slab, but neither cared. Two years apart makes minor details like that unimportant.

The kiss was over as soon as it had begun. Shepard allowed her forehead to rest on Kaidan's momentarily, her eyes fluttering close, but before he could lean in for another round, she was sitting back down, her posture ruler-straight once more.

"I wish I could hold you to that, Commander," she said wearily.

He felt a painful stab of nostalgia for the old days when Shepard would call him LT and nudge his shoulder with a laugh accompanied by her Shepard-brand grin. The grin had always made him blush. Hell, back then, almost anything about Shepard made him blush.

But now, he was Staff Commander Kaidan, seasoned and professional Alliance marine. And seasoned, professional Alliance marines don't blush, even when the woman of their dreams just kissed them.

_Especially_ when the woman of their dreams just kissed them.


End file.
